Radical Self Care on the Corn Pollen Path

By: Nicolle Gonzales, Navajo Midwife

A Letter to all the hardworking birth workers and birth keepers….

I write this to you from a place of reclaiming joy, peace, and inner wisdom around the understandings of self-love. While I don’t know each of you personally, I do feel a sense of kinship with you, as that we have been called by our ancestors to step into this sacred role - to assist our communities with bringing forth the next generation. While we can acknowledge and honor the sacrifices we make to do this sacred work, we can also lose sight of and become out of balance with taking care of ourselves. Unfortunately, mainstream society has found a way to market “rest” and “relaxation” as though bubble baths and massages are going to heal the pain we carry in our bodies and hearts from the work that we do. While water is cleansing and necessary to help rebalance the energies in us, we must ask, what does radical self-care really look like for you?

I ask myself this questions too, as that I am reclaiming my lost self on this path. Like many before me, I have given everything to this work called midwifery. If we had met randomly somewhere and you told me you wanted to become a midwife, I would be the first to tell you midwifery work is one of relentless service. We pretty much become the bridge between the two worlds of colonialism and our Indigenous world, while trying to maintain our Indigenous identities through it all. As the battle over our Indigenous birth rights as birth keepers is a tireless one. 

I know many of us doing this work are incredibly hard on ourselves, because it’s not just sleep we sacrifice, but time with our families and communities too. We also are constantly engaging the tension that reproductive health and birth work is infused with, because we really do care and it is personal. Many of the birth keepers I have looked up to are doing other work now and are settling into their role as community elders, grandparents, and have taken a different approach to working with their communities. I can only imagine how they are looking at all of us now remembering their own journeys and in those moments, I wonder what they would tell me about radical self-care? 

My family is often surprised when at times I want to be alone. In their minds, being alone is the worst thing for me. They worry. They think alone equals loneliness. It actually doesn’t for me, it means I get to hold space for myself, listen to my inner voice, put pause on all the distractions and really listen to what my body and spirit is telling me. Having time to reflect is a gift to yourself. There is a time to be out there “doing” and interacting with everyone and then there is a time you go deep within yourself and ask yourself if you are ok. Where do I feel out of balance? When I say I am tired, what does that mean and why? What changes do I need to make to feel like my best self? There are so many ways to check in with yourself, but you need to do that in order to know if you are still in alignment with the things that reflect the love you have for yourself.

As caretakers and givers, I know many of us don’t have good boundaries around what we will do vs. what we can do for others. We lead with our hearts and it always feels like a “yes” when in reality, we can’t do the work for others to heal themselves. Recognizing what kind of values, we abide by is a good place to start on where our boundaries are. Then doing the work to align everything from that place outward. I know this sounds easy, but it’s not. It’s like reprograming your responses to things you have done your entire life, but start with just acknowledging what your values are and what it feels like when you are out of alignment with them. 

I know for many of us, participating in our ceremonies are one pathway to healing. Whether it is a sweatlodge, morning offerings with corn pollen, or getting a prayer done for ourselves.  These ways of rebalancing our energies for healing are actually important to help release the emotions and energy unconsciously carried while working with families. Whether you are believer or not, being aware of how you feel after interacting with people is another way to check in with yourself. Do I feel energized? Do I feel drained? I think sometimes we get so used to moving on to the next thing that we don’t always acknowledge how we feel after talking with someone. 

This actually leads me to the next important point, surrounding yourself with people who love and care for you. As birth keepers, workers, helpers, we spend a lot of time giving to others. We do this so much, sometimes our identities become so attached to this “giver” role that we sometimes unconsciously surround ourselves with people who just expect us to give to them all the time. But what does it feel like to be on the receiving end here? Are we supporting kinship relationships that are balanced and receptacle of the love and care we give out? Are we surrounding ourselves with those who feed off of our positive energy and aren’t willing to do the work in themselves to be that without us around? Where does this resonate in our body and mind, like do those around you lift you up and make you feel taken care of?

I hope as you read this, it gives you opportunity to go deeper into yourself, while thinking about the kind of life you are creating and maybe on where adjustments need to be made. I share this with you, again, as I look to make adjustments in my own life and having achieved many great things, but knowing I haven’t always taken the best care of myself. I want you to know there is always time to make adjustments and changes. My prayer for you is that you have your coffee in hand while reading this. That you take some time to journal a bit about what radical self-care looks like for you? What does self-love look like for you?

Blessings to you always,

Nicolle